Freedom

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Esther Leah Phua
24JUNE91-Note down in your calendar!
Temasek Poly-BSG
♥ GOD,E507,MJ Zone
Super fan of cheesecake!

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Tuesday, 29 April 2008 @ 15:35

Strong...

Life is never a bed of roses.
It's always full of trials and tribulations.
Problems come after one and another
When can i ever get rid of them?
i kept asking the question
but there's no answer to it

A happy family
I've been living in it blissfully for the past 16years
With a caring & responsible dad who love my mum wholeheartedly.
I thought it will continue the way it should be
But i was wrong.
It's not the same anymore.
The story of a fairytale has come to an end.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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On 24 June 1991, He welcomed me to the family
with a widest smile he ever had
He took great care of me
giving me the love and security that i need

When I'm sick, he will be feeling worried, panic
Seeing me in great pains, he would feel the pain inside his heart too
When i cry, he cried too
He never leave me alone to conquer the pain.
He stayed by my bed side and watched me fall asleep

When i recovered, he took me out and play
A time of gathering and bondage among us
What i fancy, he tried his best to get it for me.
I'm his favourite and the apple in his eyes.

Slowly as i began to grow up
I start to become rebellion
And the saddest thing is,we started to drift apart
I did things that make him angry and disappoint him
But he did not leave me in the lurch
Instead he pick me up, continue showered me with his love and concern

As i grown up as teenager
the time we spent together is becoming lesser and lesser
When I'm asleep, he's out
When he's home, I'm out.
We rarely had chance to enjoy each other accompany like in the past
Even though we do sat down and watched television together
No conversation is going on.

The gap between us, gets even wider and wider
till the extend i no longer can understand him
Perhaps all this while, i don't understand him
Or maybe i did not make the effort to understand him at all

I enjoyed :
-the time he hold my hand and cross the road
making me feel so safe and secure under his protection
-the time he took countless photos of me
giving memories of my childhood
-the time he feed me with food
making me feel like a little princess
-the time he would shield me whenever i get scolding from mum
making me feel he do care for me, love me.

I really admire him alot
He was the guy i held utmost respect,trust and love for
The love and trust for him never ceases
In fact, it increases as i start growing up.
Even though how badly i was being betrayed and hurt by guy
still i believe he's the one that would never betray and hurt me
He was my everything,the most important pillar of my life.
I was so dependent on him
till i can't imagine my life without him.

But now knowing the truth
I questioned myself
Why did such thing happen?!
Is it because I've not been a good girl?
I did not study hard enough?
Alway i tried hard to be a good girl
trying so hard to be continue being the apple of his eye
I studied hard and score well
hoping He will be proud of me
I went out to work and earn money
hoping to lighten up his financial burdens
I really tried so hard to be a good girl of yours

I'm at a loss,feeling so vulnerable
so many things happen one after another
making me on the verge of breaking down
But i can't!
I can't collapse at this point of time
I got to strengthen myself and be strong
i've to do something about it

She needs me badly now and as much as i need her too
I can't afford to lose her
She was another important pillar who i greatly dependent on
I got to protect her from harm and hurts
I'm going to stay by her side
Giving her my support
Being a good girl and do her proud

Oh God i cried out loud to you
hear my cries and answer my prayer
let me have the happy family back once again
you promise me that no matter what,you're with me
Continue to be by my side
Continue to harden my heart
Give me the strength to carry on
Give me the faith to believe every thing's going to be alright
Give me the wisdom to be a problem solver
Show me the path,the direction
continue to be my guide and walk beside me
Let me be stronger than ever to handle such circumstances.
I need you real badly now.
Amen

As long as i believe it, i can have it!